Fitness with Friends: Marvel Avengers Storytime Fitness

THOR: Hello, you small mortals. It is I, the God of Thunder, the King of Asgard, and the mightiest Avenger: Thor, Odinson. I am here today from Asgard to help you Earthlings with what you call “optimal fitness.” Huh. Have you seen any of my other friends from work? What is that annoying sound?

[ROCK MUSIC]

IRON MAN: Hold onto your jets, God of Thunder. I’m coming in for a landing, with style, of course. Hey there, team Iron Man. It’s the one and only genius, millionaire, philanthropist, super hero, Tony Stark here. I might not be the mightiest Avenger, but I’ll show you a few moves that’ll really make your ARC Reactors blast.

IRON MAN: Thor, hold on a second. Wasn’t there supposed to be some Stars and Stripes coming to this?

THOR: Well, I’m not sure what you mean about your stars and stripes, but Captain America is quite old, and he should be here…any minute now.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Hey Thor, on your left! Hey, Team Captain America. Sorry I’m a little late; those HYDRA agents aren’t going to defeat themselves. But I’m here with my trusty shield and Old Glory uniform, ready to fight the good fight.

IRON MAN: Alright, alright. Take it easy there, super soldier. We’re here for a good,   state-of-the-art training, and to see if there are any future Avengers out there that want to join team Iron Man.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: I think you mean team Captain America!

THOR: Ha! Your petty mortal squabbles are so cute compared to the problems of Asgard. Now, let’s not waste any more time and agree to all get along for the sake of our future Avengers. Agreed?

[IRON MAN and CAPTAIN AMERICA nod.]

THOR: Huzzah! Let us commence this training with some joint-opening stretches.

THOR: All right, first we’re gonna warm up – get our arms stretched out for our full range of motion. Let’s start with some arm swings. Good work, everybody! Let’s start to tap those backs of the shoulders, alternating which arm is on top and which is on the bottom. Wanna get all these godly muscles open nice and wide. Even for you mortals.

THOR: And five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Good work!

THOR: Alright, next up, we’re gonna do some arm circles. First going forwards, making some nice, big circles with our arms. And as we count down, we’re gonna make our circles a little bit smaller.</b>

THOR: Good work, team! Keep it moving. We’re gonna switch directions and make these circles a little smaller. With five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Alright, switch those directions. Arm circles going the opposite way. Our palms facing the ground and our thumbs forward.

THOR: Good work! Not bad for a metal man, Iron Man! Keep it up, Cap!

THOR: And five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Excellent work, Avengers! Alright, let’s move to our midsection. Our mighty midsection, where we keep all of our laughs, and all of our food, too. We’re gonna do some torso twists, starting with our hands near our belly button. Keeping our feet planted, shoulders square. Good work, team!

THOR: Nice job, everybody! And five, four, three, two, and Spirit. For our last warm-up today, let’s bring it all together and get that blood flowing through our entire bodies. We’re gonna start with our hands up overhead, bend over at our waist, touch our toes, and shoot those hands back up overhead. Let’s repeat this motion a few more times. Really make sure we have all the power of Thor.

THOR: Good work! Nice job, mortals! Keep it up!

THOR: And five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Mighty! Excellent work, new Avengers! Now all that’s left to do is feast in the halls of Valhalla!

IRON MAN: Hold on there, big guy. We still have a whole training protocol to run through. That was just the warm-up.

THOR: Ah. Of course, of course, of course. I was just resting my hammer arm. Speaking of hammer arms, let’s practice some hammer curls to make your biceps as big as Iron Man’s ego.

THOR: Alright. If you are following our baseline today, go ahead and follow the one and only God of Thunder. If you’re gonna be following our seated version today, Captain America is showing us all of our moves. And if you are looking for an advanced workout today, you will follow my friend Iron Man for our advanced workouts.

THOR: So first up, for our baseline version, we have our bicep curls. We will start with our arms at our side, curling them all the way up to our shoulders, and squeezing at the top.

THOR: Good work, Avengers! If you’re following our seated version, Captain America is also pumping those biceps, bringing them from the thighs all the way to the shoulder. Good work! And if you are following our friend Iron Man for the advanced, He’s doing hammer curls>plus some fast feet.

THOR: Alright team, we have all three versions, pick your Avenger, and let’s get this workout started!

THOR: Keep it up, pump those biceps! Nice job, Cap! Keep it up! Keep it up, Iron Man!

THOR: We are nearly there, Avengers! Good work! And ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Nice job, everybody! Superb job, mortals! Maybe you are not as puny as I had originally thought.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Humans are a lot more than this crude matter. We have heart, and spirit too! I remember back when I was frozen in ice; mankind stuck together to help defeat HYDRA. And we will always have each other’s backs.

IRON MAN: Great reminder of when you were capsized. Why don’t you show us one of your ancient workouts next?

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Challenge accepted, Stark! Back when I was fighting HYDRA, I wouldn’t have made it very far without my trusty shield. So let’s practice some ways to get those shields up, and for safety.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: So, if you are following Thor for baseline, what you’re gonna do is you’re gonna bring your shields up across your body, and you’re gonna bring it down diagonally, near your hip. Good! Awesome!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: If you are following the seated, you’re following me; you’re gonna take your shields, and we’re gonna do the same thing. We are gonna start off high to one side, and bring it diagonally across our bodies.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: And if you are following Iron Man, you are gonna do double time! So we are gonna start with those shields up, and we are gonna go twice one side, and then twice to the other. Alright, I think we are ready. Are you guys ready?

[THOR and IRON MAN nod.]

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Alright, so here we go. And let’s do some wood choppers. Here we go.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Awesome work, you guys. Keep those shields up. Practicing our blocking. Good.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Nice one, Thor. Good job, Iron Man!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Almost there. Keep going, keep moving. Alright. And ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Awesome! That was a mighty fine show of skills there, future Avengers! But blocking and striking isn’t the only thing that this vibranium shield is good for. It also packs a really powerful punch from a distance, too.

IRON MAN: You aren’t wrong about that, Cap. I’ve been on the other side of that thing before – some might even think it was made with magic, in Asgard, with Thor’s hammer. I guess that’s why they call you “The First Avenger.”

THOR: Oh no, no, no, silly! Mjolnir can only be held by those who are godly and worthy of Thor, like myself! And you, Captain America, may be the First Avenger, but we all know who the Mightiest Avenger is.

IRON MAN: And you say I have a big ego! But at least Cap stays humble, even with all that super soldier formula running through his red, white, and blue veins. Alright Cap, now let’s see how that shield of yours defies the laws of physics.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Roger that, Stark! Alright team, shields up! So, what we are going to do: if you are following Thor, you are going to swing that shield up to the right, and then to the other side. Good! Just like that! Same thing if you’re following me for the seated: you’re gonna swing up, each arm to block. And then if you are following Iron Man, you’re gonna swing your arms with each side, and you’re gonna do a sidestep.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Good! Awesome! So let’s get started! And go.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Good. Make those blocks, everybody! Get those shields up! Good!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Gotta practice these blocks. Good!

THOR: Excellent work, Avengers!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Keep moving! Keep moving, guys! Good job, Thor! Good job, Iron Man!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Alright, and here we go. Ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Good job!

IRON MAN: Well, that sure was something! There’s no school like the old school. It seems like JARVIS picked up something on the radar scan. JARVIS, tell us what you see.

JARVIS: Mr. Stark – there appears to be an unknown and possibly hostile force headed your way.

IRON MAN: Alright everyone, this could be the real deal. Let’s practice our repulsor blasts, just in case.

IRON MAN: Alright everybody, for our repulsor blasts, if you’re doing the baseline version with the mighty God of Thunder, you are gonna push both hands forward, and then pull ’em back. Nice job, mighty God of Thunder. And if you’re following along with super-soldier Captain America, you are gonna do an alternating press and pull. Good job, Cap.

IRON MAN: If you’re doing the advanced version with me, along with Team Iron Man, we are gonna do an alternating press and pull, with a forward step. A little something like this. Let’s go, everybody!

IRON MAN: Looking good, team! Keep it up! For ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Nicely done, everybody.

THOR: What a fun use of Earth’s technology! You know, on Asgard –

[ALARM SOUNDS]

THOR: Odin’s beard! What is that awful, red flashing light and bursting noise?

JARVIS: Pardon me, Avengers. It appears the unknown object has moved closer, and is currently on your doorstep. Might I suggest taking the initiates to check it out?

IRON MAN: And he didn’t even ring the bell! Excellent suggestion, JARVIS. Well, initiates, looks like we’re gonna have to get on our feet and take flight to this possible threat. Alright, Cap, let’s hear it.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Avengers, Assemble! If you are following Thor for the baseline, You’re gonna be doing some high knees. So you’re gonna be lifting one leg up, and the other. Good! And if you’re gonna be following me, Captain America, you’re gonna bring your arms to sides, bring ’em up to your shoulder length, and bring ’em back down.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: And if you are following Iron Man, you are gonna be doing some high kneeses– high knees, and switching legs – Good! — and lat raises at the same time. Alright, let’s do it!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Good! Good work, future Avengers! Keep it moving!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Good work, Iron Man and Thor!

IRON MAN: You too, Cap!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Almost there! Here we go. With ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Awesome!

Fade to underground tunnel. Thor and Iron Man occupy the right half of the screen, while another figure on the left has his back to the camera.

IRON MAN: Hey, you there. Turn around nice and slow, and don’t move a single step further.

THOR: Identify yourself, villain!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Hey guys! What’d I miss? Wait. I recognize the back of that head!

The figure on the left half of the screen, Loki, turns around to face the camera.

THOR: Loki! My brother! Well, he’s adopted, but…Brother! Come here and give me a big hug!

IRON MAN: Hold on there, Sparkles. This guy tried to take over New York City the last time we were on Earth. This isn’t a family reunion, it’s an invasion.

LOKI: Well, what do we have here? Three of Earth’s mightiest Avengers. Oh, and looks like you’re training the next wave of heroes, huh? Not sure Thanos would be too happy about this little gathering. But save yourselves the worry. I’m not here for any trouble…this time. I simply came for the workshop, since your Hulk beat me so bad the last time. He’s not here, is he?

THOR: See? He’s family! Of course you can join us for our training, brother! But I will warn you – we were going to practice the Hulk Smash next, and there’s no telling when the second-strongest Avenger will be joining us. But we aren’t puny gods, we will conquer our fears and smash up this next training!

LOKI: I suppose I could learn a thing or two from the Hulk.

THOR: Hurrah! Alright Avengers, Let’s Hulk Smash! Alright, so if you are following me in our baseline version, we are gonna do some overhead slams, starting by getting all of the matter in the room together, lifting it up overhead, and smashing it down to the ground, just like the Hulk and his big, green arms.

THOR: And for our seated version, Captain America is going to be doing a very similar movement; getting her hands up overhead, bringing all of that matter back down to the ground for a big Hulk Smash.

THOR: And we have Iron Man over here showing us the advanced version; he’s gonna use his repulsor blasts to slam down, jump up, and get an extra smash with his HulkBuster uniform.

THOR: Alright team, let’s get it together, and Hulk Smash!

THOR: Good work, friends! Keep it going!

LOKI: This isn’t so hard!

THOR: We are halfway there, brother! Just see how you feel after!

THOR: Good work, team! Nice job! And ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Well done, mortals, well done!

LOKI: Ah, well, that was fun and educational. Now I know exactly how to take you down next time– uh, I mean help! Help you next time. Of course.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Alright, Thor, I think your brother has had enough fun here on Earth. Can you send him back where he belongs already?

THOR: I am the son of Odin, of course I can! Why, back when I was a younger god, [hums] and doing all these god things…

LOKI: Ugh.

THOR: …Having such a good time…

LOKI: Here we go again.

THOR: …with all my friends. Baldur…

IRON MAN: Yeah, get comfy.

THOR: …Lady Sif…

IRON MAN: We might be here for a while.

THOR: Ah, such good times back on Asgard.

IRON MAN: You guys want any tea? Coffee? I don’t know.

THOR: I can only remember when I was a young god, …

IRON MAN: What do you drink on Asgard?

THOR: Oh, such a good time. And after a few failed attempts, that was how I opened my first Bifrost gate back to Asgard. So let’s practice sending Loki back in one piece. Let’s grab your hammer…

LOKI: Wait, what do you mean “in one piece?”

Loki is transported out of the tunnel.

LOKI: Aah!

THOR: Alright, if you are following us in our baseline version, we are gonna do our one-handed snatches, reaching down, and bringing our hammers all the way up overhead. And alternating those hands. If you’re following our baseline version, Captain America is doing a very similar movement. Reaching down in front, and then bringing her arms up overhead.

THOR: If you are following our advanced version, with Iron Man, he is doing a full, one-handed snatch; bring it all the way down, bending at the knees. Good work, Iron Man! Keep it up, Avengers! And ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Well, that did it! Hope you won’t be seeing him anytime soon.

THOR: Ah, yes. Well, he has his moments. Shame he didn’t get to reunite with his best friend, The Hulk, this time.

IRON MAN: Maybe for the best. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Well, that was a good time. What did all you initiates out there think?

CAPTAIN AMERICA: I think our new Avengers are ready to “cap” off this meeting. Get it? “Cap off?” “Cap?” I’m Captain America?

IRON MAN: Ha ha. Dad jokes for days with this dinosaur. Alright Avengers, let’s cool down from battle with a little super-static stretching.

THOR: Alright, we will start with some toe touches, bringing our hands up to start, and then down to touch our toes. And we’ll stretch here for ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit.

THOR: Let’s bend back up, bring our hands up over our shoulders, and straight up overhead. Try to touch the ceiling if you can, reach for Asgard! For ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit.

THOR: Okay, next up, let’s get those arms stretched out. Nice and wide. We’re gonna bring one arm across our chest, lock it up with the other arm. You mortals should know that you wanna keep your hands off of your joints, keep the pressure right in the middle. For ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit.</b>

THOR: And switch those arms. Bring the opposite arm over across your chest. Lock it up nice and strong. For ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Well done, team!

THOR: Let’s not forget our midsection! We blasted our midsections today, so let’s stretch them out with our hands on our hips, and we’re gonna bring one hand up overhead, and do a little side lean, as far as you can go. You can keep your hand on your hip, or you can move it a little further down your leg. However flexible you’re feeling.

THOR: And ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit. Alright, switch those sides! Opposite hand on your opposite hip, and bring that opposite hand overhead. Good work, team!

THOR: For ten, nine, great! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, and Spirit.

THOR: Well done, new Avengers! We had a grand time training you all this morning, and you have all definitely proven yourselves worthy of Thor. So long for now, mortals.

IRON MAN: Peace out, Cub Scout.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: See you down the road, Avengers.